Self-Confidence: The 6-Step Framework to Start Believing in Yourself (And Stop Playing Small

“Self-confidence isn’t a gift you’re born with—it’s a skill you can build.” ~Carlos Patterson

Introduction:

Let’s be real—self-confidence isn’t just about walking into a room like you own it. It’s about owning yourself—your story, your growth, and your future.

Do you often avoid meeting people? Do you feel uncomfortable in your own skin? Do you always fumble in public settings and find it difficult to communicate or interact with others? If yes, you lack self-confidence, but don’t be afraid, you’re not alone.

Many of us suffer from low confidence, and it affects our social, professional, and personal lives. Having self-confidence is particularly important in today's competitive world where everyone is running a rat race and trying their best to stand out.

If you lack self-confidence, you're already pushing yourself to the back of the line. It might sound like a cliché, but the truth is you can win in the world if you possess self-confidence. It's the missing ingredient needed to gain success.

Before we hop into the ways of building self-confidence, let’s first define what self-confidence is in its truest sense.

What is Self-Confidence and Why it is Important?

To put it in simple words, self-confidence is when you feel worthy and comfortable in your own skin. The feeling of being proud of and loving oneself is often difficult to grasp.

A self-confident person believes in him/herself and does what he thinks is right, even if it is unpopular. He/She is optimistic, positive, honest, and capable of accepting his/her mistakes.

Self-confidence is often compared to or used in place of self-esteem and self-efficacy, which, in fact, vary slightly from the truest essence of self-confidence.

Self-esteem is often weighed by the feeling of being approved or validated, whereas self-efficacy is the feeling of encouragement and motivation that one gets after reaching certain goals. However, all three are tied to each other.

Most people believe that success comes from dedication, hard work, talent, and patience, but what they don't realize is that self-confidence helps smooth the paths of their lives.

For instance, if two people with the same reputation attend an interview, the one with more self-confidence will win likely the position. At times, self-confident people with fewer qualifications are hired as they can easily impress people with their personality and ingrain trust that they will get the job done.

Upon seeing a confident person, you might wonder, “What’s his/her secret? How can he/she be so outgoing and cheerful?” As you know by now, the secret is self- confidence.

You, too, can achieve self confidence and pave a successful path for yourself.

In the next section, we will discuss some effective ways to build self-confidence.

1. Improve your Body Language

This may seem too basic, but it actually works. The first step is to improve your body language. The way you stand, sit, talk, and react forms your body language.

The easiest way to improve your body language is by focusing on your posture.

Do not slouch while standing or sitting. Walk in an erect position and confidently, just like you own the world.

Whenever you meet someone, give them a firm handshake, make eye contact while talking, and smile. If you appear confident, you will feel confident.

Fake it until you make it; it's as simple as that.

Go for an open posture. Whenever you sit or stand in an erect or upright position, place your hands by your side and do not place them over your hips as it can show dominance, which is not what you want to portray.

At the same time, avoid leaning forward or backward as it shows aggression. If you're speaking in front of an audience, your hands should be open, and your palms should face the audience as it conveys the message that you're open to communication.

However, when we say, "appear confident" do not sound condescending or overconfident, as it can come across as off-putting.

"Confidence is a vibe—and your body is its billboard.”

2. Think About Your Achievements

You’ve achieved more than you give yourself credit for. Big or small, your wins matter. Whenever you feel low or lack self-confidence, take a peek at your achievements to date.

One of the reasons why people lose confidence is because they believe that they haven’t achieved anything, which is not entirely true.

Every achievement, big and small, counts. Whether it’s a creative writing competition that you won when you were at school or a start-up that you’ve established, taking a peek at all your achievements makes you realize that you’re capable of something, which is enough to boost your confidence.

Do this – as soon as you feel low, begin making a list of your achievements and reflect on three things that make you feel proud.

Keep the list with you. Whenever you achieve a milestone, add it to the list, irrespective of how small it is.
Take a peek at this list when you need a dose of confidence and remind yourself of how awesome you are.

“Celebrate your smallest wins—they stack into unstoppable confidence.”

3. Focus on Your Health and Body

You don’t need the “perfect body”—you just need a body that you care for. Fuel it. Move it. Respect it.

One of the most common reasons why people lack self-confidence is because they feel unhappy with their bodies. People with a healthy and fit body ooze confidence. Now, we're not saying that you cannot feel confident unless you lose or gain weight.

If you're successful in loving yourself the way you are, you automatically gain self- confidence, which is our ultimate goal.

However, if you think that your body shape is getting in your way, you can work toward changing it and achieve the results that you desire.

It's not only beneficial in gaining self-confidence, but you'll also achieve better health, better skin, better hair, better everything, which is like an ultimate confidence-booster pack.

Do not wait for the perfect Monday or the 1st of a new month. If you’re serious about your health and getting desired results, start with your next meal.

Imagine pulling off all those amazing outfits with a fit body. It already boosts your confidence, doesn’t it?

Eat right, exercise every day, and expect results within no time. Be consistent and don’t give up. You deserve to have a healthy body. It doesn’t have to be "perfect"

Healthy is the key.

“Confidence starts with how you treat yourself when no one’s watching.”

4. Set Objectives and Achieve Them

Confidence comes from consistency. Set small, achievable goals—and crush them.

Want to wake up early? Start by waking up 15 minutes earlier. Want to get fit? Start with 10 minutes of walking.

Remember the list of achievements that we talked about earlier? It's time to add things to it. You should set objectives and try to achieve them.

Whether it's the desire to learn surfing or taking and finishing an online course for coding, make a list of all the things you want to do and achieve.

They don't have to be huge milestones. Start with something simple like baking a cake and take it up a notch with each phase.

Next, reflect on all objectives one by one and make a plan of how you'll achieve each one step-by-step and within a set time frame.

Make sure that you make these objectives achievable, which is why framing the plan is a crucial step.

Once you begin achieving them, the feeling of crossing off items from this list is enough to give you a major boost of confidence.

Add more objectives and mark them all off the list. In this way, you're also building your personality and bettering yourself by knowing and doing more things.

“Self-confidence isn’t built by talking big—it’s built by showing up.”

5. Learn to Accept Failure and Disapproval.
Failure isn’t personal. It’s just feedback. Disapproval from others isn’t a judgment—it’s a reflection of their lens, not your worth.

Not many people are able to accept failure, which shoves them into a deep spiral of self-rejection. This ultimately lowers their self-confidence.

The solution is to accept failure and disapproval. Now, this is easier said than done, but it needs to be heeded in order to gain your confidence back.

Look at failure as nothing but a series of mistakes from which you can learn. Mistakes are simply stepping stones to something better.

At times, you will have people in your life who disapprove of you or your actions and work. The truth is some people who are not happy with themselves and don't value themselves enough, are prone to finding fault in others.

So even though you try hard to please them, there is nothing that can help you gain their approval. By taking them seriously, you are blocking your own path to success.

Let go of the need to feel approved of and do not waste time trying to impress other people.

Heeding this advice will help you gain your self-confidence back, and the right people will automatically be attracted to you.

Real freedom is not needing other people's approval.

“Real freedom begins the moment you stop needing approval.”

6. Practice and Stay Prepared

Confidence = preparation. The more you prepare, the less space fear has.
By practicing and staying prepared, you always know what’s ahead of you and are ready to face it without fear.

By disassociating yourself from the feeling of fear and stepping into the unknown, you’re on your way to blooming self-confidence.

With more practice, you’ll realize that you’re capable of almost any challenge that comes your way. Let’s say that you have to present a speech in front of a huge audience.

By preparing for it and practicing multiple times in front of your family, friends, and the mirror, you can easily identify your worst fears and work toward improving.

If you constantly forget the lines in your speech, you can prepare relevant cue cards and keep them with you during the main event.

By inculcating this feeling of being capable of handling situations that can go wrong and coping with them, you’ll gain your self-confidence.

By following this routine, you will gain back the lost confidence and feel more worthy. It will certainly take some time, effort, and dedication, but once you kick all the roadblocks out of your way, you will feel more positive, encouraged, and confident.

Your newfound self-confidence will also act as an inspiration for others around you, which will, in turn, raise your self-esteem. It’s a win-win situation for everyone.

You have already achieved great things. It’s time to lift your head high and be proud of your victories.

“Confidence doesn’t come from being perfect—it comes from knowing you’ll be okay if things go wrong.”